There was only ever him
I searched and searched to fill the gap
There had to be another
Maybe even better
But no one could compare
Not even in the slightest
And soon he would reappear
Year after year I waited
This wasn't the kind of love you rush
So innocent and perfect
The kind that fairy tales were made of
Two souls so strong
That even fate would hesitate
All the hype, the built up tension
Twelve years comes with high expectations
Perhaps you would find a bit of perfection in me
And the Happily Ever After
Wouldn't be so make believe
The desire, the infatuation
Nothing could hold us back
The last two pieces of the puzzle
Connecting so easily
The seconds ticked by like hours
The hours ticked by like seconds
The last grain of sand fell through
And fate came to grab both our hands
Deep inside we knew
That this wasn't our time
Not quite yet
1,986 miles you went
In search of something more
I know you'll find what you're looking for
1,986 miles she went
She seems as lovely as could be
Maybe even better
But no one could compare
Not even in the slightest
There was only ever me
Maybe, someday
I will reappear.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
A Walk In The Park
This is my first "Sunday Scribbling" and I am so excited to be a part of this new little creative community. I love to see the methods to other writer's madness. I hope you all enjoy and i look forward to the many weeks that follow.
There are no cell phones here. No taunting deadlines. No bills due. No new Facebook notifications. No feeling pulled in every direction. There is none of that here. It's been along time since I've found myself walking around looking as owner's throw frisbee's with their dogs, parents pushing their children on swings, lover's caressing their partner's face as they sit on a blanket.
I found my way over to the little bench that sits along the pond. I come here when I feel the weight of the world suffocating me. I tend to get so caught up in this routine everyday that I often forget that I'm human, that there's more going on in this world then just what goes on in this tiny little bubble of mine. I watch the wind ripple over the water and feel it against my skin. The goosebumps, I am alive after all.
I've been out of touch with everything and everyone in my life as of lately. My relationship feels that it only exist because its the right thing. My friendships are all on their own teeter-totters and they could tip either way. My job hasn't been going well I find myself making less and less money each week partially because business isn't well and because I don't care to be there. I've lost the motivation to do just about everything. I'm blinded by the future something that I once felt confident in but now my future will soon consist of two and now everything is fuzzy and unpredictable. From all sides I'm being infiltrated losing all my control. This, this place is my only escape, I can breathe here.
I sit here until all the stress, the pain, the worries inside of me subsides and I finally feel in control again. I've been through worse scenarios and made it through just fine. Sometimes we just have to breathe and feel the wind. I get up and begin walking down the path I came, this time with a clearer head.
All around I see others doing the same thing. The jogger, the artist drawing in their sketchpad, the pet owners, the lover's, this is their place to just breathe. We look to so many different ways to relieve stress and to cope with our problems; medicine, drugs, therapy. When sometimes all you need is that simple walk through the park to feel confident and reassured that you got this all under control.
There are no cell phones here. No taunting deadlines. No bills due. No new Facebook notifications. No feeling pulled in every direction. There is none of that here. It's been along time since I've found myself walking around looking as owner's throw frisbee's with their dogs, parents pushing their children on swings, lover's caressing their partner's face as they sit on a blanket.
I found my way over to the little bench that sits along the pond. I come here when I feel the weight of the world suffocating me. I tend to get so caught up in this routine everyday that I often forget that I'm human, that there's more going on in this world then just what goes on in this tiny little bubble of mine. I watch the wind ripple over the water and feel it against my skin. The goosebumps, I am alive after all.
I've been out of touch with everything and everyone in my life as of lately. My relationship feels that it only exist because its the right thing. My friendships are all on their own teeter-totters and they could tip either way. My job hasn't been going well I find myself making less and less money each week partially because business isn't well and because I don't care to be there. I've lost the motivation to do just about everything. I'm blinded by the future something that I once felt confident in but now my future will soon consist of two and now everything is fuzzy and unpredictable. From all sides I'm being infiltrated losing all my control. This, this place is my only escape, I can breathe here.
I sit here until all the stress, the pain, the worries inside of me subsides and I finally feel in control again. I've been through worse scenarios and made it through just fine. Sometimes we just have to breathe and feel the wind. I get up and begin walking down the path I came, this time with a clearer head.
All around I see others doing the same thing. The jogger, the artist drawing in their sketchpad, the pet owners, the lover's, this is their place to just breathe. We look to so many different ways to relieve stress and to cope with our problems; medicine, drugs, therapy. When sometimes all you need is that simple walk through the park to feel confident and reassured that you got this all under control.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Hello 2011...Hello To A New Me
Every year we find ourselves making resolutions for the following year to come. Many of them brought over from the year before and the year before that and the year before that. I mean I've been saying I'm quitting smoking now for 5 years. We do it not because we know were actually going to do those things, well most of them anyway, but it's a reflection of who we want to be. That we have hope in ourselves to be a great person and to do great things. So here are some of my resolutions for 2011, whether they get accomplished or not is a different story but there's always hope that some day they will.
Write more I've already shared this in one of my previous notes as to why I feel this is important to me. And to be honest it's already starting to help. We spend so much time putting up walls to protect ourselves from other people that eventually it's just you in a castle by yourself because no one else can get in. Break down some of those walls. You can't be a King if you don't have a kingdom.
Be me and only me Everyday we are forced to be so many different people. There's Work Tara, Friend Tara, Girlfriend Tara, Roommate Tara, Family Tara Jo, Creative Tara, Business Tara, Party Tara, Daughter Tara, Sister Tara, Soon-To-Be Mother Tara. And the list goes on and on. We have all these different roles to play and at the end it's easy to get lost because it's hard to remain yourself 100% of the time when everyone ask and expects different things of you. There are certain masks that I just feel more comfortable wearing then others and that's only because at those times that's when I'm me and that's when I'm happy. The theme for this year is happiness and I want to be happy 100% of my day being me. I'm sorry for those who won't be pleased but "those that mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".
Family and friends If there's one major flaw I have it's keeping in touch with people. Believe me when I say that it's not that I don't care or am indifferent to our whether or not our relationship flourishes. Every person that is a part of my life I've let them be for a reason and is always on my mind. But sometimes we get too busy, caught up in our own personal lives, that we selfishly forget that there are others out there who care for you just as much if not more. I feel that many of us sometimes feel that a simple interaction is too much of a hassle. But is picking up the phone for 10 minutes, or sending a quick letter or email to remind someone that you care and are thinking of them that much of an inconvenience. I admit that when it comes to my family and friends I have been selfish. I am truly blessed with everyone that I have in my life and i apologize if I've made you feel neglected.. So don't be surprised if a random phone call or email comes your way.
Be More Positive I tend to ride a fine line between optimism and pessimism. When life has kicked you in the balls quite a few times you tend to become hesitant and assume the worst. I don't want to wake up in the morning stressed about all the things I'm not going to get done for the day, how much money I'm not going to make at work, and whatever drama is going on at the moment. No, when I wake up in the morning the first thing I want to do is smile. The first thing I want to come across my mind is "what is going to make today more special then yesterday?" I don't only want to be a positive person for myself but I want to be a positive person for others to be around as well. I want to be the kind of person who brightens up other people's day, the kind of person that when things don't go according to plan will just breathe and say no biggie we can do it this way. I want to give out compliments. I want to do good deeds. I want to be the best i possibly can be. I think a gratitude journal is in order.
Grab Life By The Balls At 25 I've hardly accomplished anything I've wanted to. I tell myself I have plenty of time. But no one knows how much time we really have and all I've been doing is wasting mine. I have pages and pages of things that I want to do and accomplish and see and I've probably checked off 5, and even that's reaching high. I look at my friends and family who I admire and they've done so much some of them much younger than me. Life has so much to offer and when someone goes to read my book of life I want them to be like "Wow. She did so much with her life I hope my life is half as a great as hers." Right now I'm pretty sure I would have to pay someone to trade lives with me. In 7 months I'm going to have someone who thinks that I am the most important person in the world, their hero, and I know that I don't want them to grow up and be disappointed when they find out that their mommy isn't really as special as they once thought she was. No, I want to them to see that they can go any route and do whatever their hearts and minds are set on and that nothing they could possibly ever dream up is impossible.
These are my top 5 goals for 2011. That if I accomplish anything this year it needs to be these and all the other goals on my ever growing to-do list will fall into place. Good luck to all those who made resolutions this year and just remember you made them to better yourself and your life. Changing ourselves and our habits isn't easy but we all want it and with time and perseverance we can all have it.
Write more I've already shared this in one of my previous notes as to why I feel this is important to me. And to be honest it's already starting to help. We spend so much time putting up walls to protect ourselves from other people that eventually it's just you in a castle by yourself because no one else can get in. Break down some of those walls. You can't be a King if you don't have a kingdom.
Be me and only me Everyday we are forced to be so many different people. There's Work Tara, Friend Tara, Girlfriend Tara, Roommate Tara, Family Tara Jo, Creative Tara, Business Tara, Party Tara, Daughter Tara, Sister Tara, Soon-To-Be Mother Tara. And the list goes on and on. We have all these different roles to play and at the end it's easy to get lost because it's hard to remain yourself 100% of the time when everyone ask and expects different things of you. There are certain masks that I just feel more comfortable wearing then others and that's only because at those times that's when I'm me and that's when I'm happy. The theme for this year is happiness and I want to be happy 100% of my day being me. I'm sorry for those who won't be pleased but "those that mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".
Family and friends If there's one major flaw I have it's keeping in touch with people. Believe me when I say that it's not that I don't care or am indifferent to our whether or not our relationship flourishes. Every person that is a part of my life I've let them be for a reason and is always on my mind. But sometimes we get too busy, caught up in our own personal lives, that we selfishly forget that there are others out there who care for you just as much if not more. I feel that many of us sometimes feel that a simple interaction is too much of a hassle. But is picking up the phone for 10 minutes, or sending a quick letter or email to remind someone that you care and are thinking of them that much of an inconvenience. I admit that when it comes to my family and friends I have been selfish. I am truly blessed with everyone that I have in my life and i apologize if I've made you feel neglected.. So don't be surprised if a random phone call or email comes your way.
Be More Positive I tend to ride a fine line between optimism and pessimism. When life has kicked you in the balls quite a few times you tend to become hesitant and assume the worst. I don't want to wake up in the morning stressed about all the things I'm not going to get done for the day, how much money I'm not going to make at work, and whatever drama is going on at the moment. No, when I wake up in the morning the first thing I want to do is smile. The first thing I want to come across my mind is "what is going to make today more special then yesterday?" I don't only want to be a positive person for myself but I want to be a positive person for others to be around as well. I want to be the kind of person who brightens up other people's day, the kind of person that when things don't go according to plan will just breathe and say no biggie we can do it this way. I want to give out compliments. I want to do good deeds. I want to be the best i possibly can be. I think a gratitude journal is in order.
Grab Life By The Balls At 25 I've hardly accomplished anything I've wanted to. I tell myself I have plenty of time. But no one knows how much time we really have and all I've been doing is wasting mine. I have pages and pages of things that I want to do and accomplish and see and I've probably checked off 5, and even that's reaching high. I look at my friends and family who I admire and they've done so much some of them much younger than me. Life has so much to offer and when someone goes to read my book of life I want them to be like "Wow. She did so much with her life I hope my life is half as a great as hers." Right now I'm pretty sure I would have to pay someone to trade lives with me. In 7 months I'm going to have someone who thinks that I am the most important person in the world, their hero, and I know that I don't want them to grow up and be disappointed when they find out that their mommy isn't really as special as they once thought she was. No, I want to them to see that they can go any route and do whatever their hearts and minds are set on and that nothing they could possibly ever dream up is impossible.
These are my top 5 goals for 2011. That if I accomplish anything this year it needs to be these and all the other goals on my ever growing to-do list will fall into place. Good luck to all those who made resolutions this year and just remember you made them to better yourself and your life. Changing ourselves and our habits isn't easy but we all want it and with time and perseverance we can all have it.
Warning Label
One of my many goals this year is to not only write more but to share my work and thoughts with others. Something I definitely don't do EVER, especially my personal work. I'm not sure why that's really the case especially since writing is something I want to pursue with my life. It's not really the criticism, I can deal with that, but more so putting my thoughts and heart out there for everyone to know and read. Making myself that vulnerable is definitely not a situation I put myself into that often.
I write for many different reasons: to release things that are bottled up inside me, to escape from reality and get lost in my thoughts and imagination, to remember important memories in my life that have played a significant role in the making of me. And I hold on to them knowing that someday I want someone to read them, whether it be my future children, my muse for the piece, or some random stranger who finds it in an old dresser drawer. If I want someone to read them eventually why hide them all until that point.
While I'm doing this mostly for myself, I hope that some of you (or the one person that might actually read any of theses) can take something away from this. Whether it be motivation to write yourself, inspiration to do better things, or even just reassured that you're not alone in this crazy fucked up world we call life.
Again these are my stories and my thoughts so if you're offended don't bother telling me about cause I'm not going to apologize for the way I feel. So please read at your own risk. As for the rest of you I hope you enjoy this future journey through my mind and my life. It's a pretty crazy place sometimes but at least it'll make good reading material.
I write for many different reasons: to release things that are bottled up inside me, to escape from reality and get lost in my thoughts and imagination, to remember important memories in my life that have played a significant role in the making of me. And I hold on to them knowing that someday I want someone to read them, whether it be my future children, my muse for the piece, or some random stranger who finds it in an old dresser drawer. If I want someone to read them eventually why hide them all until that point.
While I'm doing this mostly for myself, I hope that some of you (or the one person that might actually read any of theses) can take something away from this. Whether it be motivation to write yourself, inspiration to do better things, or even just reassured that you're not alone in this crazy fucked up world we call life.
Again these are my stories and my thoughts so if you're offended don't bother telling me about cause I'm not going to apologize for the way I feel. So please read at your own risk. As for the rest of you I hope you enjoy this future journey through my mind and my life. It's a pretty crazy place sometimes but at least it'll make good reading material.
I Bid Thee Adieu 2010
I started out 2010 unsure about myself and the life I wanted. A few months previous my 4 year relationship had ended leaving me lost and not knowing what to do next. When you're part of something that big for that long you tend to lose yourself and your identity. Every action, every thought, every plan was for the two of us and for the first time I only had to think for myself and while that opened up a huge array of opportunities I didn't know how to do that. Now I was just Tara and I wasn't even sure who that was.
I had a lot of hopes and goals for myself (spoiler alert: hardly any of them were accomplished). This was going to be my year. Although I was on the right path of thinking what I didn't realize was how much I needed to learn and go through to prepare me first before I could really move on. I don't really want to go into all the unfortunate things that I had to go through in order to realize and change certain things, or appreciate and embrace the moments and people that surround me. But out of it all I realized how strong of a person I am. That when my whole world kept falling apart piece by piece that I stood there taking it and tried to find a way to grow from it. To understand that life's misfortunes come to you for a reason and that you're never given more than you can handle.
While I didn't get to do a lot of the things I wanted at the end I found me and came out a much better person at the end of the year than when I had started it. Now I can go back to the hopes and goals I had a year ago and they might mean something more this time around. 2010 thank you I suppose, but I'm glad your gone. 2011 let's do the damn thing.
I had a lot of hopes and goals for myself (spoiler alert: hardly any of them were accomplished). This was going to be my year. Although I was on the right path of thinking what I didn't realize was how much I needed to learn and go through to prepare me first before I could really move on. I don't really want to go into all the unfortunate things that I had to go through in order to realize and change certain things, or appreciate and embrace the moments and people that surround me. But out of it all I realized how strong of a person I am. That when my whole world kept falling apart piece by piece that I stood there taking it and tried to find a way to grow from it. To understand that life's misfortunes come to you for a reason and that you're never given more than you can handle.
While I didn't get to do a lot of the things I wanted at the end I found me and came out a much better person at the end of the year than when I had started it. Now I can go back to the hopes and goals I had a year ago and they might mean something more this time around. 2010 thank you I suppose, but I'm glad your gone. 2011 let's do the damn thing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)